The Spaghetti Feed Fistfight

What’s a gay dinner party without a good fistfight? Thanks to my friends, I will never have to find out.

The latest round of dinner-party fisticuffs occurred on Sunday, courtesy of Seth, Freddy Lou, and a fifth of Black Velvet. Now I know most homos don’t like physical violence: you can get your veneers knocked out or your face marked up. And black eyes tend to stretch that delicate skin around the eyes. It’s very aging, and who wants to age? We mostly limit ourselves to some slapping or yelling; in fact we rarely even throw a drink (unless it’s water or something non-alcoholic).

But Seth is an exception. Girl grew up on a ranch raising quarter horses and pounding on her little brother. Sure, she can flame out and singe your eyebrows at 50 paces, but she also has no problem taking a swing and knocking every one of those $500 incisors down your throat. And get a fifth of Black Velvet in her and the girl gets PUNCHY. You can see where this is going.

Sunday at about noon, Seth, Tim, Chris (Tim’s new boyfriend), Chad Brown, Jonathan (Chad’s friend from Olympia) and I met up for breakfast (Bloodies) at CC’s. After a bit Freddy Lou showed up from softball practice (still wearing his cup, I might add) and we drifted down to Full Circle and switched to BV and Coke. The jukebox was broken, so we were stuck watching Poltergeist III and gossiping. And drinking a phenomenal amount of alcohol. Woodsy showed up, and for some reason brought the nice lady who lives down the hall from us. They both had spent the day marinating in a barrel of rum, and were feeling absolutely no pain. The nice lady from down the hall is switching careers from accounting to interior design, and she sketched out a plan on a napkin to remodel my bathroom. It would be gorgeous, and it would cost me about $30K. Let me tell you, I’m saving that napkin for when I win the lottery.

Seth had planned a spaghetti feed for that night, and everyone was getting hungry. We decided to go get supplies and meet up at Seth's in an hour. I ran home and grabbed Carlos and a couple bottles of wine, and we arrived as Seth was finishing the sauce. Perfect timing.

Seth may be able to sing along with Whitney while he shoes and gelds a horse, but his real talent is cooking. The spaghetti was amazing. We settled down in the living room with full plates and full wine glasses, and turned on Harry Potter. After 2 platefuls and 4 glasses of wine, most of us were drowsily leaning on boyfriends and dreading the trip home. Seth was energetic as ever, and somehow things got started with Freddy Lou.

Now I'd been drinking for quite awhile, so I’m not exactly clear on what happened. They were snarling at each other in the kitchen (they fight like fifth graders with a mutual crush), and then Tim and Jonathon went in to see what was going on. There was some yelling and a crash or two, so I decided to go see what the commotion was about. And there they were: Seth and Freddy Lou doing the push/shove/shoulder punch thing you remember from high school, while a drunk Tim and a REALLY drunk Jonathon tried to pull them apart. They stumbled around a bit, yelling and hitting and pulling, Well, it’s all fun and games until someone knocks over the wine bottle. Which they did, but fortunately it wasn’t full.

Miniature was there too, frozen in the doorway. Thinking of the blog, I said “Ryan, quick take a picture with your phone” He looked at me blankly for a second, then whipped it out and tried to get a pic. But it was too late. Seth and Freddy Lou were finally pried apart and you, Gentle Reader, were thus deprived of a picture of the Spaghetti Feed Fistfight. But don’t worry, I’ll be faster next time.