Ben's Random Birthday Party

Friday night, Woodsy and I hosted Bento’s 26th birthday party. And it had to be the strangest night since Adam, our little Stoned Cherub, celebrated Thanksgiving with LA Carlos and the Denver Phillies. Here’s how it all shook out:

Carlos had been out of town since Sunday, so no one had been cleaning and the place was a pit. I got home from work at 6 pm Friday night, and after a 10 minute nap, swung into action. I threw all the junk from the living room into my bedroom, and then Woodsy vacuumed and started making hors d’oerves. Project completed.

As we all know, none of my friends ever show up on time anywhere for anything. They’ll be late for their own funerals. So when getting ready for a party, I figure I’ve got an extra hour to pull it all together. I was counting on that Friday night, because I needed to pull myself together. Woodsy got the bulk of the cleaning done (it was his party), and I put away my stuff and then retired to the couch with a beer to make me feel better.

Well it was not to be. Motorbike Mike showed up right at 7:30, and Ben brought his posse about 10 minutes later. We didn’t have ice (Joey was bringing it but was still 30 minutes out) and my hair-of-the-dog hadn’t hit yet. But in all fairness, the evite said the event started at 7:30, and it’s great when people show up on time.

I ran up the street for ice (the girls simply HAD to have their cosmos) and started flogging the boys over the phone to get them there. Within an hour everyone was there and the party was in full swing. And that’s when things started to get strange. This little get-together had a higher than average number of randoms. Part of that was because Ben invited a bunch of people from the men’s chorus that no one knew. But then there were others. For instance, the trio of pretty, pretty princess twinks that showed up, made drinks, and then snarled at anyone that tried to talk to them. Apparently they didn’t know Ben, or anyone else at the party, and so we’re not sure how they got there. I gave them a brief interrogation (I was a little too drunk by this point to be really incisive) and after a few snarky comments they left.

Then there was the guy from downstairs, Rob. Rob is a smoking buddy of Woodsy’s; they frequently have a cigarette on the loading dock. Rob is nice, but is a little different. He’s oddly friendly, and has a tendency to linger. Well on this night, he dropped by in his baby blue velour track suit and waded into the alcohol. And ligered.

Motorbike Mike has been nailing a little guy named Chris. I have taken to calling him Student Body because he looks like an 8th grader. He’s cute and nice, and Michael Jackson would find him completely irresistible. Student Body is deeply in love; he actually “gazes longingly” at Motorbike Mike just like you’ve read about in romance novels (don’t deny it). I don’t know if the kid likes body odor or educational elitism, but he is smitten. For some reason, Mike hasn't dumped him yet, but we know it’s coming. How do we know? Because we’re bitter and cynical? Well while that’s true, you can tell because Motorbike Mike was hitting on other boys at the party! He had some other kid trapped in the corner when Mike Meola (no love lost between those two, by the way) shouts out “Michael, why are you hitting on that boy?” And just like in the movies, the room fell silent as soon as the words started to leave his mouth. Really, it was like the in the movies. The whole room fell silent and Mike’s words rang out over Motorbike Mike, the object of his affection, and Student Body making a drink in the kitchen. Good times.

I had to work in the morning, and by 11 pm Ben was itching to hit the bars. So I rounded up the guests and ushered them out the door. With some exceptions; Woodsy didn’t have any money so he didn’t want to go out, and he had some friends coming by. Rob was still hanging around swimming in the booze, and a couple of others hung out for a bit. I was drunk by the time Woodsy's friends showed up, and Italian guy and an Asian guy in matching pale leather coats. They were nice and very friendly, but I was drunk and too tired to be real chatty.

Thinking the night was over, I left Woodsy to entertain his guests and went to bed. Well I was wrong. Within the hour Johnny, Matty, and Paul had all returned. Johnny’s been working out a lot, so the boys somehow convinced him to strip down to his underwear and show off the goods. I kid you not. I got up to use the bathroom and ask that they turn down the music, and was greeted by Johnny in my hallway stripping off his pants. Rob was still there, I’m not sure how he felt about the whole thing but there was plenty of alcohol so he wasn’t going anywhere. I think things wrapped up around 4 am, I was long asleep by then.