“I want to say one word to you…plastics.”

I have a little investment tip for you, one that’s going to make you and me a lot of money in the coming years. But being a lawyer, first I must give a disclaimer (Lord, how I love disclaimers): I am not any sort of investment professional. In fact, my investing career has consisted of 1)losing most of what I put into my 401(k), and 2) buying stock in a company where my ex worked and promptly losing half my investment. Use your own judgment in following my advice, because I’m most likely wrong. In addition, it’s not based on anything I saw at work. I never, ever, ever work with or see this anything related to this (as my billable hour records plainly show), and even if I had, the thought of suffering Martha Stewart’s fate would make me clam up and wet my pants. I’d sooner cut off my drinking hand than risk losing my license over anything that had even a whiff of coming from the inside. I came up with this on my own, so ABANDON ALL HOPE YE WHO INVEST HERE.

That do it? Anyway, the other day I had an epiphany. It came, like any good epiphany should, accompanied by trumpets and a brilliant ray of light shining from a cloud. I had taken a break from working on my computer to do a little web-surfing (on a group computer). I looked a couple of amusing sites, and followed a link or two. Just a bit of a light-hearted lark around the internet, a little mental break, nothing earth-shattering sought or expected. And then, I clicked on the link that revealed to me my fortune. You know what it was? A picture of a nice young man (ok, a smokin’ hot, dumb-as-a-post fratboy) showing off a tattoo on his right, ahem, cheek: “Grade A Prime Beef.” And that, boys and girls, is when the heavens opened up and angels began to sing. Now, we all know a few guys who would consider that nothing more than truth in advertising. But just from looking at the picture, I have a feeling this meathead (or his future wife) is going to want that little tat gone once he discovers all the attention it will get him in the locker room at his local gym. How dumb can someone be? And how many more out there are like him? Happily, I believe they may just be legion.

All of which brings us to the investment of the future: medical dermal lasers. Happy investing!