Too Much Time in New York

You might be from Manhattan if....

1. You can use the word 'f#ck' as a noun, verb, adjective, adverb, preposition, and gerund. All in the same sentence.

2. You assume all designer handbags, scarves, sunglasses, wallets, and belts you see are cheap knock-offs bought on Canal Street.

3. You have jaywalked across all 3 lanes of 7th Avenue during rush hour while a group of 5 cops watched from the corner. You didn't give it a second thought, and certainly didn't get a ticket.

4. You've used the sentence from item #1 when speaking to the cab driver who took you to 13th Street and Avenue A instead of 13th and 8th.

5. You've sworn on your dead mother's grave to a Russian cab driver that Pamida won't throw up in his back seat.

6. You make $500K and can finally afford to rent a one bedroom apt that's not a 5th floor walkup. You’ll still have a roommate, though.

7. You know that you need $200 in cash for a slice of pizza, 2 beers, and a 10 minute cab ride home. And you aren't utterly apalled.

8. You've gone to NYC's 'only Asian gay bar' on Hispanic night to tip the 19 year old black go-go boy. This does not confuse you.

9. 'Coffee' is a light brown beverage brewed at 600 degree Fahrenheit with some Folger's grounds they've been recycling since 1968.

10. You've had a potential trick introduce himself by saying, 'I live in [insert locale reached by a bridge or tunnel], not sure if you want to go all the way out there.'

11. On Saturday night you know to hold your breath when in the East Village, unless you want to be awake for the next 3 days.

12. You've seen a woman in a full burkha, a drag queen, and a daddy in leather all get off the subway at the same station. You wouldn't be surprised if they're headed for the same place.

13. When looking at bar names, you know that Posh is not, the Monster is, and Hanger should be shortened to Hung. Urge is perfectly named, but sadly the Cock has been neutered. Only tourists go to Splash.

14. You've heard something you should submit to overheardinnewyork.com, but never did.

15. Some f#cking f#ck submitted something you said to overheardinnewyork.com, but the a$$h0le misquoted you.

16. You've been to a 'sample sale' that involved buying designer clothes for cash out of the back of a moving truck. This seemed perfectly legitimate to you.

17. You know instinctively, based on the type of alcohol consumed that night, whether to get a slice, a hero, or Papaya dog on the way home.

18. 'Salad' consists of equal parts mayonnaise and egg, chicken, or tuna. It's health food if the deli mixes in some dill pickle relish.

19. There's a thing in your kitchen that gets hot when you fiddle with its knobs. You'd use it to heat up food, but you tip the delivery guys well enough your food always arrives piping hot.

20. You have gotten into a heated argument with a priest over where to go for the best kosher barbecue.