The Issaquah Connection

Yesterday’s entry spurred a flurry of email discussion, but unfortunately no actual comments on the blog. Remember the Manifesto? You must comment, or I’m going to whine about being ignored. Yes, I know, you have to sign up for a blog in order to comment. I do not care. Take 5 minutes, sign up, and then make your comments ON THE BLOG. Just because you sign up for one doesn’t mean you have to write one. You all expect me to work my ass off writing this thing, and then you’re too hung over to log in and make an actual comment? Please. If I don’t get some comments, I am going to start public crucifixions on here that will make The Passion of the Christ look like The CareBears Movie.

The flurry of emails (that were not comments, in case you’d forgotten) focused mostly on JPK and his upcoming move to Issaquah. I hadn’t thought about him lately (he jettisons his friends with each new boyfriend) but The Little Shop of Horrors brought him to the fore once again. Apparently all the talk of unicorns and rainbows inspired a few people, because among the emails was the following ditty. In the style of “The Rainbow Connection,” and with deepest apologies to Kermit the Frog, I give you:

The Issaquah Connection

With Ross, every wish will be heard and answered
When wished in Issaquah!
They say he had a boyfriend, but I don’t believe it,
And we’ve been monogamous so far.
What's so amazing (about a one year lease) that keeps everyone blog-gazing?
They say I should wait and see. . .
Screw you we’ve found it, the Issaquah connection,
My Ross, the Crisco, and me! La di da Dee da di da. . .

Well then. I think that pretty much says it all. This was a collaborative effort, so there are additional verses and a couple of different versions. But I think this version really captures what everyone has been feeling from Jason. Every ditsy blond with a checkered past, whether she’s in The Little Shop of Horrors or a cookie-cutter townhome in Issaquah, hopes for a fresh start. And if there’s one think we know about JPK, it’s that he will be fresh (as long as he still has his shower douche).