Mother is....Displeased

Editor's Note: Today's guest blogger is Madge. Let's all be nice to her; she spent most of last week in the outer boroughs of New York City, trapped under one heavy thing after another.

I'm sorry, but this has got to stop. Andrew, this is your blog not mine and I am not happy that you are writing about me all the time. Ok, so the sinkhole thing was pretty funny and I laughed and all, but come on. Did you really need to write about me getting dragged to every str8 bar in Jacksonville? Really, come on. You've got Paul and Curtis, write about them for a change. Write about YOURSELF, aren't you doing anything stupid and embarassing in Austin? Well, tell people about it.

And I'm sorry, but leave my mother alone. She's the head honcho at the credit union; mess with her and she'll check your credit. Then you'll be wish you'd never written about me. Hi mom, I had a great time in New York and I love Jacksonville, don't worry about me!

So in case you didn't know, I went to New York last week. It was James's birthday and all, so I planned a little Madge trip to the city to celebrate. And I'm sorry, but I needed to get away. Jacksonville is a pit; you have to drive 20 minutes to get to anything. And it's hot and muggy and the men aren't that cute. But I have hooked up a few times, don't tell my mother. And no, I'm not going to tell you about it. I know all you bitches are out there just waiting to hear how Madge got trapped under something heavy. Well I'm sorry, but I'm not telling you anything.

But I will tell you about New York! Well I'm not going to tell everything, but Madge had a goooood time. I'm sorry, but when I'm on vaca I go out and I get laid. I did end up in Queens that one time, but that was by mistake. I don't do bridge-and-tunnel unless I make sure I have a BIG reason. Ha! Well my last night there I found one. I was out with James, and at the stroke of 3 am I met Mr. Right Now, and he was PACKING. And let me tell you, Kris's little girl almost fell over when she felt that. And I'm sorry, but I was not going to let my 6 am flight get between me and that. No way.

So we went back to his place. And boy did we have a good time, I haven't had that much fun since my trip up and down the Empire State Building. Ha! But Madge had had a little too much to drink, and Madge was feeling a little spent. And Madge fell asleep. Oops! Yeah, so I crashed and woke up at 4:30 am. You should have seen me, I squeezed into that shirt and jeans and was outta there in record time. I raced into James's place, got all packed (I mean my luggage) and flew down to the car waiting for me downstairs. Barely made it, but I didn't miss my flight. And I'm sorry, but it was so worth it!

Kisses to everyone in Seattle, I can't wait to come see you guys!