Drinks with Seth and Vel-Meeta

What’s noon on a Tuesday without drinks? That’s a rhetorical question; I’m the last person who could tell you. Yesterday was my typical Tuesday: I met Seth and Aaron Velveeta at the Crescent for a drink, an update, and to decide where we’d have lunch.

Brief aside: anyone who has hung out with Aaron knows he tends to talk about himself. Endlessly. That’s not to say his conversations are narrow; indeed he can tell you, at length, how he feels on a wide range of topics. In just one sitting, I’ve heard his views on diet and exercise, journaling, sex, the cell phone industry, gay subculture, and cake baking. This would be simulating, if anyone else could get a word in edgewise. But like most people, I was raised not to interrupt, so he’s expounding on the next topic before I can comment on the previous one. I’ve learned to tune him out and slam drinks until I overcome my upbringing and just talk over him. It’s good times.

Back to Tuesday. Aaron and Seth had gone camping at the Gay Campground over the weekend, and I was dying to hear about it. I love gay camping, and haven’t gone since Labor Day weekend last year. Alas, I was to be disappointed. I heard about the drinks Aaron drank, and how Seth nearly carried him back to the RV. There was the story about Aaron and the flashlight, the tale of Aaron being quiet during sex (to avoid disturbing Uncle Jeff and Uncle David), and how Aaron felt about all the rain. I learned how Aaron orders his drinks, what he thinks of the campsites, his feelings about his fellow campers, and his unique take on bottoming in an environment that lacks running water. It would have gone on longer, but I tried to slash my throat with a broken bottle. This made Aaron comment, “I’m hungry, we should go eat.”

Don’t get me wrong; I like the kid. We all have our little quirks. Some of us have big quirks. And then there’s Velveeta, who IS a quirk. Can’t we just call him Vel-Meeta and be done with it?