Taffi, Exhumed

Editor's Note: There's been a loss in the Bored At Work family; one of our contributors is now dead to me. But ably stepping in, and bringing a bit of Halloween with her, is our very own Taffi.

God you're a stupid piece of shit for letting me do this. I'm gonna have more fun than the time I burned your head. But at least you finally got someone with a brain to write for you, idiot. I don't know why you ever let [redacted] near a keyboard, but good riddance to her empty ramblings!

I'm off this week for the company's winter break, God I'm so bored. I went to the park twice yesterday. Did this redhead, he was HOT! Someone sucked my dick too, I didn't get a good look at him. God, I love my life.

So last night I went to Changes for a beer, and I even got Andrew to get his fat ass up there. Apparently Paco had unchained his leg irons for the evening. I got there and the place was dead. I fit right in? Watch it, I'll cut you! I'll fuckin' cut you! I got a pitcher and went out back for a smoke. I love that patio ever since Paul blew me out there. I'd show you the pics but Andrew has them. Andrew showed up and we had a couple of beers, but I had to get to the park. Besides, everyone left as soon as Floyd's shift was over. Can't imagine why.

Anyway, I've got to get to the park 'cause this dick ain't gonna suck itself. Come over later, I'm making pickles. I may even pickle Paco's first-born, if Andrew can get it up long enough to knock him up. Catch you at the free clinic!

Editor's Note: On reflection, maybe this who guest-blogging thing isn't such a good idea.

In the spirit of accuracy...

I've gotten some feedback about the last entry, so I just want to make these clarifications:

My anecdote about the theft of the seats from Curtis' Honda apparently left out some details. I'm not sure what those are, but be sure to ask Curtis. However the broad strokes: car borrowed by lesbian, second theft in two months, and third lifetime occurrence for an overall tab of (roughly) $33,000 in seats and canvas tops, is accurate. Perhaps the car was parked on a "dimly lit" rather than "dark" street; I can't say for sure. But I'll bet those little details made a HUGE difference to the guy writing the check.

And, the pictures I have depicting Paul performing sex acts are "posed." I have to admit he's correct; on Saturday he did indeed pose with his tongue in various guests' nether regions. The implication seems to be that if he "poses" with his tongue in someone's ass, it's not the same as putting his tongue in someone's ass. Except his tongue WAS in someone's ass. He did indeed freeze several times mid-lick in a "pose" so I could take a photo, but I'm not sure why that should make a difference. Maybe we should ask Curtis about this one too.

Some Random Tidbits

Girl, I know it’s been awhile. And I make no promises to update again soon. But I’m feeling a bit inspired so here are a few tidbits to whet your appetite:

• Everyone’s favorite Stoned Cherub, our own little Adam, has apparently been positively identified in my blog. He told me that someone googled his name and found his first and last mentioned in some entry from a year or two ago. While I make no effort to protect the guilty, I don’t want to mess up anyone’s life (unless they truly deserve it). So if anyone finds the entry that gives Adam’s full name, let me know and I’ll make the appropriate edits.

• Paul got drunk on Saturday. Ok, big news flash. But in other news, Seth spent the day with him and Curtis, and raised his baseline 0.3 BAC to an impressive 0.68. Ladies, that don’t happen every day. Predictably, Paul ended up trying to rim Seth, and predictably I have the pics to prove it. Unfortunately, the lights had gone out by this point (welcome to Curtis’s palace in the CD). Fortunately for me, and you my Gentle Readers, Curtis had lit bowls of floating candles as soon as the power was cut. I was able to hold a candle, as it were, to our lovebirds and get some lovely pics of the action. And if you want to see them, well you’re sick. But buy me a beer and I’ll oblige.

• Speaking of Curtis, ever hear the phrase “Steal my seats a third time while a lesbian borrows my car, and I’m a fool”? We all know and love the silver Honda that Curtis brings out twice a year. Well apparently its seats are a hot commodity, because twice since October someone has cut open the ($9000) top and taken out the ($2000) seats. Last time was right after I had borrowed the car, but of course yours truly was responsible and parked it safely in a secure garage. I’m a gay boy who knows how paying a deductible will eat into my drinking budget. Well this weekend our intrepid “Soccer Practice” architect lent the Honda to a lesbian who promptly parked it on a dark street on the Hill. Girls, fill in the rest for the fish who didn’t see it comin’. And while she may have an “in” with the auto mechanic set, Curtis (or the insurance company that just dropped him) gets to eat the full cost of her lapse in judgment.

• Rumor has it that our very own Rick was driven home early from Ben Waldman’s 40th birthday party this past Saturday. Details are sketchy (so to speak), but Messers. Stoli and Smirnoff, as well as the Ambassador from Columbia are being sought for questioning. Authorities plan to question the victim once he sobers up, which they expect to happen in 2015 or when Doris lowers the boom, whichever comes first.

• Devin. Alone. Ben’s Party. Kids, those are probably the four most incriminating words I’ve ever written in this blog. I can’t say where I or what I heard about THAT, but apparently a good time was had by all.

And that’s all I have for tonight.